I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
