You just made me feel so damn special
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
