Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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