every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
