DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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