Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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