I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm both gender and math confused
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