I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
