I want to stick my p in your. b.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize