I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
