I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize