my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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