i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
