I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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