We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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