i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
