i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
