Just cropdusted the office
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
