You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
