Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
