so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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