This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
