Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
