oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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