I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's rum buckets o'clock
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
