You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
