Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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