omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
