six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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