I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
