Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
