okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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