Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We had to coat check the pizza.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
