Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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