Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
