i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
