you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
