So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
