so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
