how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
