I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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