So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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