I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Pooping to opera.
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