i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
