I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
