it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
