Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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