evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
