You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
