he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
