$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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