My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
