Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
