i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
