Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
