so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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