You work out of a Hotel?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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