Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There's always time for handjobs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
