Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
