Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
