this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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