I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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