11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
