I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
