my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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