I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
