The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just had sex on a roof
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
