I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
