At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
