Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
