Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize