So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
