I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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