Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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