He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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