I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
