I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
