Me too!
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
