so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
