I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize