So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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