my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
