So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She needs sedatives and a leash
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
