"it" just moved
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
