Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You are a genius and a whore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
