I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
