How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
